he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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