There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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