he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
