While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
