Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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