I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
