I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
