my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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