I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
