I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
