if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
where are my eyebrows?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize