I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
