I'm so fucking centered right now
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
