i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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