did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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