how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
