This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
