I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
