If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
