His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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