I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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