afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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