White coat. Heels.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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