I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
