It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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