It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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