I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
