so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
