We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
