Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
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Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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