i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
