My hair reeks of homosexuality.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
