RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
