I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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