if you like me you must not know who I am
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
