mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
