Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
