Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
