I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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