My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
