My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
