I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
