I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
