I want to stick my p in your. b.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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