Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
