Me. At least after what I've been through.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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