If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
