Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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