Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
