I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
