hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
