would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
