am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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