We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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