I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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