I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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