Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
