i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
