I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
