If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
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Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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