I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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