I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
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I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
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Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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