WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
