Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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