Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
