Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
