My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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