Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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