If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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