oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
