Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
